IRRITABILITY AND ANGER

"Sometimes I feel so wound up it takes only the smallest thing to go wrong and I explode, regardless of where I am or who I am with. I seem to lose all control. "

Irritability and anger are the result of an accumulation of stresses or demands, your thoughts and beliefs about the importance of events, your level of physical tension, your tolerance levels, and your learned social skills in handling frustrating situations. Anger is one of the first emotions that you experience as a baby and perhaps the last emotion that you learn to manage effectively. It is a natural emotion borne out of frustration, threat, and hurt, and is a positive and constructive aid to survival. Its function is to provide a vital boost of physical and emotional energy just when you need it most. Anger becomes a problem only when it occurs too frequently, is too intense, lasts too long, or occurs in an inappropriate situation and leads to aggression.

When you get angry, you may think that you just "snap", but the reality is more complex. In fact, your anger is the end result of a subtle chain of observable events. This chain includes an external trigger (something happens), your interpretation of that trigger (the thought or mental statement you make to yourself), and your increased level of physical arousal (tense muscles, , rapid heartbeat, fast breathing). You are like an athlete under the starter's gun at the beginning of a race - tense and ready to go. A loud bang from the crowd can trigger a false start in the same way that you may snap at someone with an irritable comment. In a world full of people with different interests and goals,

it is inevitable that there will be frustration from time to time. Your tolerance of frustration is based on what you have learned as a child as well as your own genetic and physio­logical makeup. Events and other people do not make you angry ­you make yourself angry because of the way you have learned to think and the deep­seated beliefs you hold.

Research suggests that these deep-seated beliefs centre around three main rigid beliefs:

Ø       You believe that others should know what you want and treat you in a particular way.

Ø       You think, "This is awful, I can't stand it".

Ø       You believe, "Whoever has done this to me should be punished".

The more rigid these beliefs are, the more likely you will experience anger. For example, when stuck in a traffic jam, it is not the traffic jam that annoys you but your expectations that "the traffic should flow smoothly", "It will be awful if I'm late", or "1 must be there by two o'clock". The more you use "must", "should", "ought", and "awful", the more likely you are to feel frustrated and irritable.

WHAT MAKES YOU ANGRY?

Ø    TRIGGER - A small event may tip the balance and become "the last straw".

Ø    TOO MANY DEMANDS - You feel tense, stressed, and under pressure due to having too much to do.

Ø    PHYSICAL TENSION Your body is in a state of arousal. You are ready to snap.

Ø    LOW TOLERANCE OF FRUSTRATION -      You allow little things to annoy you.

Ø    LACK OF FLEXIBILITY - Your thoughts are too rigid. You often use the words    "must", "should", "ought".

Ø    PESSIMISM - You tend to see the bad side. You often use the words "awful" or "dreadful" when things go wrong.

Ø    BOTTLING IT UP - You find it difficult to express yourself, and allow grievances to build up.

RECOGNIZE AND CHALLENGE ANGER

If you are to manage your anger successfully, you must be able to recognize and alter the chain of events that causes it. By learning to communicate your feelings assertively, you are less likely to let resentments build up and eventually explode. Sometimes, you need to challenge your beliefs and look at them in a different way. If, for example, you become angry every time your manager arrives late for meetings, it may be because you believe that "Philip should always be on time". Try reframing the situation and looking at it more positively, replacing this statement with "Philip is always late because he is so easy going; an advantage of this is that it makes him easy to work for".

Sometimes it helps to identify and write down positive thoughts that can help to reduce frustration and control anger. For example, if you are losing your temper with your children, these three thoughts or self-statements might help: "This is a challenge", "Stay calm", "She is just a child". Write these thoughts on a card, learn them, and then insert them into your thinking when you feel anger rising. View controlling your temper as a challenge.

MANAGE YOUR ANGER